We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
LILY TOMLINWouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.
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Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest – then we can all die laughing.
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
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Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
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Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?
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The road to success is always under construction.
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What goes up must come down. But don’t expect it to come down where you can find it.
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I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
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The larger picture is really to swing people’s awareness of what really is moral.
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We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.
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We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
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Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
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Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?
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Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
LILY TOMLIN