“There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.”

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?

If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.

We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.

When I’ve had a meltdown, people will say to me, “Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor.”

You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.

The start to a better world is the belief that it is possible.

I try to be cynical, but it’s so hard to keep up.

Wouldn’t it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas.

9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn’t really happened, but it has come closer.

Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.

If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.

Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It’s just a matter of timing. It’s like you’ve marked your territory.

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.

I hear they burn for murder. Well, they say it just takes a second to die.

Death can happen anywhere, but kids in Chicago, like 4 years old, can get shot. You don’t really hear that in too many places.

Women and girls face a whole host of issues. We start with health, so we work very deeply on maternal deaths, making sure that a mom doesn’t die in childbirth, making sure that she has access, for instance, to AIDS medication.

The easiest way to kill a cult is to make that cult accessible.

All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.

Intemperance in eating is one of the most fruitful of all causes of disease and death.

I only fear the death of others. For me, true death is that of the people I love.

What a scandal, if I die. Yeah, I’m gonna kill myself, get a little headline news.