Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
LILY TOMLINI wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
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When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis!
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The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
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If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.
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The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
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Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?
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I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
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If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
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I still believe that sex is dirty. It’s just that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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After all, in private, we’re all misfits.
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You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
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The larger picture is really to swing people’s awareness of what really is moral.
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Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.
LILY TOMLIN






