He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
NORM MACDONALDThe standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
NORM MACDONALD