Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Clones are people two.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT