“The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.”

I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.

Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.

There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.

I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.

The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.

A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.

Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.

Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.

They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I don’t have any ambition.

All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.

In love, we are best pleased when we please others.

Precisely at the point when you begin to develop a conscience you must find yourself at war with your society.

Communism begins where atheism begins.

You can’t realize your dreams unless you have one to begin with.

Self-disciplined begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you do. Simply, self-discipline enables you to think first and act afterward.

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

Our visions begin with our desires.

New Beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.

I begin with an idea and then it becomes something else.