They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
NORM MACDONALDThe beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
NORM MACDONALD