You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
NORM MACDONALDEnvy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
NORM MACDONALD