Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
NORM MACDONALDA readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
NORM MACDONALD