Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHTConsciousness: That annoying time between naps.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHT