How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHT