I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Clones are people two.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT






