“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.

I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

What makes the difference between a great player and just a normal player is dedication, work, commitment.

Singing is like going to a party at someone else’s house. Acting is like having the party at your own house.

When you get arrested it’s in big letters. When you get acquitted it’s in small letters.

The only thing in the world you can change is yourself and that makes all the difference in the world.

A big difference exists between trying to manipulate God to give us what we want and cooperating with God so He can give us what He wants.

This so-called tolerance, which, in my opinion, is nothing but a huge indifference.

In an age when man has forgotten his origins and is blind even to his most essential needs for survival, water along with other resources has become the victim of his indifference.

Our attitude towards plants is a singularly narrow one. If we see any immediate utility in a plant we foster it. If for any reason we find its presence undesirable or merely a matter of indifference, we may condemn it to destruction forthwith.