I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT