If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHTI put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHT