How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
STEVE MARTINBe so good they can’t ignore you.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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Be so good they can’t ignore you.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
STEVE MARTIN