Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT






