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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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