“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’”

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.

There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?

All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

We have got to abandon that sense of amazement in the face of creativity, as if it were a miracle that anybody created anything.

The people who abandon Jihad fall a victim to humility and degradation.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

The quest for precision is analogous to the quest for certainty, and both should be abandoned.

The conspiracy theory of society, comes from abandoning God and then asking: “Who is in his place?”

Words come and flow with me instantaneously. Perhaps, those were abandoned too by someone.

Anyone who abandons you is for teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.

I was so moved by your false affections I was pushed right off the ledge but love didn’t come to find me abandonment did instead.