Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECKSome emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECK