“If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.”

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Moving on is a gift you give yourself.

On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?

I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’

To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.

One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.

With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

What’s the use of doing all this work if we don’t get some fun out of this?

What’s the use of doing all this work if we don’t get some fun out of this?

I don’t think it’s any fun, even if you are one of the most respected authors in the world like Margaret Atwood, to keep being nominated and not win.

When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.

Some rhyme a neebor’s name to lash; Some rhyme (vain thought!) for needfu’ cash; Some rhyme to court the countra clash, An’ raise a din; For me, an aim I never fash; I rhyme for fun.

If we continue at this leisurly pace, we will have to pass Russian customs when we land on the moon.

Writing stopped being fun when I discovered the difference between good writing and bad and, even more terrifying, the difference between it and true art. And after that, the whip came down.

The only way a kid is going to practice is if it’s total fun for him and it was for me.