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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.

Joan Rivers

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERS

Cry Different Funeral Myself Sound
Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS

Happiness Money Pay Yourself
If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERS

Fun Right Yourself
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Man Mistake Woman
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS

Eat Food Yourself
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS

Date Fashion Marriage Mom Myself
Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Hard Move Old Target
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
JOAN RIVERS

Acceptance Funny Luck Old Oneself
There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
JOAN RIVERS

Book Different Education Help Misfortune
The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
JOAN RIVERS

Act Listening Rule Survive Thinking Yourself
Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
JOAN RIVERS

Annoy Children Talk Time Yourself
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
JOAN RIVERS

Children Funny Myself Toys
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
JOAN RIVERS

Age Breathe Funny Happiness Inspiration One Liner
When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
JOAN RIVERS

Couple Freedom Marriage Time Yourself
We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
JOAN RIVERS

Joke Laughter See Sorry Yourself
She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Herself Stupidity Understand War World

If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.

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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.

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