When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDSI drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS