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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

W. C. Fields

I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

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Popular Authors

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