A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDSMarry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS -
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS -
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS -
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS -
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS -
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS -
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS