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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

W. C. Fields

Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

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Popular Authors

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