Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDSMarry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS






