Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDSMarry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS