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You can’t cheat an honest man.

W. C. Fields

I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner

You can’t cheat an honest man.

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You can’t cheat an honest man.

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