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You can’t cheat an honest man.

W. C. Fields

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself

You can’t cheat an honest man.

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You can’t cheat an honest man.

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