I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDSMoney will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS