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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

W. C. Fields

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

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