Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDSMoney will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I drink therefore I am.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS