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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

W. C. Fields

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

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