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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

W. C. Fields

I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

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