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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

W. C. Fields

I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

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