I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDSDon’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS -
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS -
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS -
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS -
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS -
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS -
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS -
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS -
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS