This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDSSome weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS