I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDSSome weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS -
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS -
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS -
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS -
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS -
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS -
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS -
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS -
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS -
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS -
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS