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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

W. C. Fields

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful

You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

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