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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

W. C. Fields

It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost

You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

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