Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDSYou can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS