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Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.

W. C. Fields

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough

Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.

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Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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