I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDSSome people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS -
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS -
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS -
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS -
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS -
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS -
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS -
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS