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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

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