I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDSSome people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS -
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS -
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS -
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS -
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS -
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS -
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS -
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS -
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS -
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS -
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS






