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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

W. C. Fields

There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself

Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

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More W. C. Fields Quotes