Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDSYes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS