I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDSYes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS