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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

W. C. Fields

If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View

Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

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