If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDSAlcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS