black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

W. C. Fields

I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes