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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

W. C. Fields

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

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