I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDSAlcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS -
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS -
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS -
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS -
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS -
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS -
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS