black
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

W. C. Fields

My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Attitude Education Important Money Past People Skill
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

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