black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Never give a sucker an even break.

W. C. Fields

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote

Never give a sucker an even break.

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Never give a sucker an even break.

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