black
grey
blue
red
brown
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Never give a sucker an even break.

W. C. Fields

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time

Never give a sucker an even break.

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Never give a sucker an even break.

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