Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDSNever give a sucker an even break.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS