black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

W. C. Fields

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes