My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDSThe laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS






