I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDSMy illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS -
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS -
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS