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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

W. C. Fields

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom

My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

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