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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

W. C. Fields

Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious

My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

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