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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

W. C. Fields

Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start

I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

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I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

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