Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. FIELDS -
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS -
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS -
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS -
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS -
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS -
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS -
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS -
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS