I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLENThe big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLEN