If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
TIM ALLENThe big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
TIM ALLEN