black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.

Tim Allen

Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN

Death Dog Food Leaving
Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLEN

Appearance Listening Noise Thinking Voice Yourself
I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLEN

Clarify Funny Memories Myself
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
TIM ALLEN

Better Built God Man Prayer Sound Tree Worship
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy Decision Himself Judgement Sentence Serious Stand
I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLEN

Age Different Disappoint Love Myself Preference Woman
A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
TIM ALLEN

Blame Car Family Land Memories Myself Traffic
I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLEN

Adult Age Children Myself Sadness
Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
TIM ALLEN

Goodness Lying Man Myself Positive
There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
TIM ALLEN

Beautiful Bride Feeling Greatness Herself
Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
TIM ALLEN

Born Children Deal Myself Thinking Time
I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLEN

Greatness Learning Myself Student
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLEN

Dangerous Floor Ground Himself Stick
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Borrow Man Tools
I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLEN

Cat Dog Man Myself Person Travel
Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
TIM ALLEN

Area Avoid Comment Togetherness Woman

If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Tim Allen Quotes