In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
TIM ALLENIf you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
TIM ALLEN