black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.

Tim Allen

I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
TIM ALLEN

Adult Children Goodness Independent
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN

Breathe Coward Ego Hard Prison Reality Strength Yourself
My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.
TIM ALLEN

Children Family Father Hero Myself
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Man Own
Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
TIM ALLEN

Advice Children Live Parents People
I have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLEN

Myself Tools
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLEN

Direction Flight Plane Reality
The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
TIM ALLEN

Advantage Beautiful Myself Play Reality Show Theatre
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
TIM ALLEN

Children Choice Marriage Prison Woman Work
There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
TIM ALLEN

Beautiful Bride Feeling Greatness Herself
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
TIM ALLEN

Better Built God Man Prayer Sound Tree Worship
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLEN

Car End Funny Relationship Woman
Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
TIM ALLEN

Area Avoid Comment Togetherness Woman
In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
TIM ALLEN

Calm Challenge Experience Father Kind Time
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLEN

Dangerous Floor Ground Himself Stick
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
TIM ALLEN

Existence Goodness Live Myself Relationship

My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

My stepfather stepped in where no man would’ve stepped in – six kids, five of them boys – and that’s heroic.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Tim Allen Quotes