Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLENComedy is the ultimate anarchist.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLEN