I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLENDog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLEN