I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLENWomen now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN