I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLENWomen now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
TIM ALLEN