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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

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Fight Funny Gift Myself Room

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Bad Conscience Memories
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Forget Funny Myself
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Education Funny Myself Perfection Practice Stop Teacher

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