If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHTThe older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHT