No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHTThe older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT