I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT