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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Children Funny Hands Himself Mom
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Education Funny Myself Perfection Practice Stop Teacher
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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Friendship Gift Myself Sex
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Day Life Yourself
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Alcohol Myself Photograph Thinking Woman
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Death Myself Quote Right Talk Word
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Call Herself Home Light Myself Phone Woman
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Eat Food Funny Human
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Memories Myself Past Thinking
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Appearance Different Fingers Hands
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Angry Depression Enthusiasm One Liner Perspective Sick
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Memories Photograph Yourself
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Angry Install Light Live Myself People
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Children Deep Difference Growth Learning Old Philosophy See Teaching Yourself
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Children Myself Quick Toy

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