A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT