If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT