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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Steven Wright

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bill Country Freedom Funny Phone Talk
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Death Myself Quote Right Talk Word
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Goodness Myself Oneself Worth
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fall Feeling Myself Sit Time
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Attention Believe Himself Myself Sick
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Book Funny Myself Writing
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Coffee Myself Time
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Flight Leaving One Liner Yourself
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Man Sad Yourself
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Flavor Food Funny
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Angry Depression Enthusiasm One Liner Perspective Sick
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Funny Hands Himself Mom
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Difference Ideas Person Research Steal
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Myself People
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Herself Myself Night Time Walk
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appointment Dental Eat Herself Time Visit Wait

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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