Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT






