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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Animal Flavor Food Funny
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Break Up Imagination Myself Relationship
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Myself People
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Animal Dog Himself Myself Return
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Control Death Game Yourself

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