Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Clones are people two.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT