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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

Steven Wright

Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT

One Liner People
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forest Funny Himself Man Nature Woman Wrong
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Friendship Gift Myself Sex
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Idiot Ocean Stand Wait
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Literature Word Wrong
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Lost Myself Place Thinking
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Country Funny Nation People
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Crime Man Office Photograph Writing
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bacteria Culture People
Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Remember Self Love Unique Worth Yourself
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Food Funny Myself Service Time
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Himself Man Stars Touch
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Death Funny Success Yourself
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Advice Bird Deep Funny Patience Worm
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Distance Time Walk Yourself
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Funny Hands Himself Mom

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

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