Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHTImagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Clones are people two.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT