If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHTOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT