Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHTOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
More Steven Wright Quotes
-
-
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHT