Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHTI think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
STEVEN WRIGHT