I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHTI think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHT






