Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHTMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT






