There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT