I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Clones are people two.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT