If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT