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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

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Difference Ideas Person Research Steal

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Herself Myself Night Time Walk
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appointment Dental Eat Herself Time Visit Wait
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Far Forever Goodness Immortal Live Myself
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Drive Learning Yourself
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Funny Herself Laughter Milk
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Food Funny Myself Service Time
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Flight Leaving One Liner Yourself
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appearance Different Fingers Hands
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forget Funny Myself
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appearance Imagination Phone Weird Yourself
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Company Game Myself Thinking Wrong
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Identity Person Play Race
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Myself Quick Toy
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Death Funny Success Yourself
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Break Up Imagination Myself Relationship
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Friendship Himself

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