If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHTTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT






