Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHTTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT