Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
STEVEN WRIGHTTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHT