I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHTHalf the people you know are below average.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT